This isn’t a post that I was planning on when I sat down to ramble about the Bible and what God is showing me through it today. I know, however, that if I don’t do this now, then I won’t. I’m like that sometimes, but especially about things that can make me uncomfortable.
At the time of this writing, my family is struggling through several things. We have a daughter we are fostering and planning to adopt who is having some mental health issues. She is currently in detention for assaulting two paramedics during a breakdown where we needed to call the hospital because she’d ingested potentially toxic chemicals.
Loving her hasn’t been difficult, even when her actions have been. I’m good at love. Loving those others have deemed too difficult to love has been my biggest strength throughout my Christian walk and while there is some stress with not knowing what will happen with her final hearing on the charges; I know that, eventually, she will come home. There may be some delays, but she will come home and she will know that when she was at her worst, the love of this family she is joining did not waiver.
I know this time will reinforce the love I’ve always stated for my kids who became such through marriage to my wife. They don’t have my DNA, but they’re my kids. I’ve always told them that. I tell them constantly that I love them. They now will see through my love for this foster daughter just how deep my love goes.
My biological son will see evidence of the truth I’ve told him since he was born; “You cannot mess up big enough that I will stop loving you.”
And through all of this, God has been sending me a message; it’s rooted in scripture. Matthew 7:11 (NASB) reads:
So if you, despite being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
If I am capable of this level of love; unrelenting, unconditional, and ever-growing to meet the love need of the people who need it: how much more does my God love me! I do not doubt that my capacity for love is less than God’s. I do not doubt that the depth of my love is less than God’s. But in understanding the near-limitless depth of my love as a human, and knowing God’s is even greater, I will never fully comprehend just how much I am loved.
But that is not what makes this uncomfortable to post. I’m wholly comfortable in my lack of understanding of the limits and depths of God’s love. It’s what gets me through times like the above and what I will share next.
At the time of this writing, my family is struggling financially. I launched a business a couple years ago that started off doing well but is now struggling. Over the past year, I was barely able to pay myself and it put a lot of strain on my wife whose body does not react well to stress (lupus, fibromyalgia, and generalized fatigue as a lingering side effect from her chemo years ago). We are behind on our mortgage by several months and I’m genuinely terrified of losing the house and the impact that will have on our kids.
I’m so scared of failing my family.
To put it in Biblical terms; I feel like I’ve been casting my nets all day and coming back with nothing. And that, leads me to what God had to say to me today while I was reading His word.
I was working on a post in my Commands of Christ deep dive that I’m doing for myself. I post it on here, but I’m not exactly under the impression that anyone is reading these rambles, so I do the bible studies mostly for me.
Anyway, I was cross-referencing the different accounts of the first disciples across the Gospels as part of the post and there, in red letters in Luke 5 verses 4-6:
When He had finished speaking, He said to Simon, “Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.” Simon answered and said, “Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing, but I will do as You say and let down the nets.” When they had done this, they enclosed a great quantity of fish and their nets began to break.”
Jesus knew Simon (who would become Peter) was exhausted. He knew it Simon was frustrated. Did Simon bellyache? Yeah, he did. But he obeyed. He cast his nets out again and his nets almost burst from the result.
I don’t know when. I don’t know how. But today, God told me that he’s got my worries and burdens handled. I just have to trust Him, put out into the deep, and cast my nets for a catch.
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